that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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