You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We have so much sex to catch up on
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
