Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You're like the curious george of whores
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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