I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
