You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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