Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
