She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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