just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
