OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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