This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
