yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
