Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
