i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
