Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
