Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
