end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
