I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
