He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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