just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
