just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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