Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She bit a glass in half.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
