pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
