I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
