I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
