you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
