she was so not down for the gang bang
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
