Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
