I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
