I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
