It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
