my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
