he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
