Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
