idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
