Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
