he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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