im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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