just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My ATM looks so different sober.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
