what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
