So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
