This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
