Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
