i need an iv and a liver transplant
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
