i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
