i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
