birth control should be required to get into college
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
