Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
