Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
