Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
