you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
